How to manage complex emotions during separation
The breakdown of a relationship is often devastating for both parties, not to mention the turbulence of navigating the family law process. In addition to the emotional and psychological toll it can take on you, there is also the challenge of allotting time with children, separating assets, and one or both parties having to find a new place to live.
Despite these struggles, coming out the other side can lead to exciting opportunities, the chance for a fresh start, and a renewed sense of self. To help you manage complex emotions during separation, here are four strategies to consider.
1. Surround yourself with friends and family
Separation can be extremely lonely, so make sure you surround yourself with a positive network of a small group of family, friends and loved ones you can rely on to support you with no judgement or agenda. Especially because the divorce process can be protracted, you’ll want to have a support network in whom you can trust and confide.
Moreover, your friends and family will be able to provide an outside perspective on the situation, helping you to think clearly and make the best decisions given the circumstances. Sometimes family and friends can be overly pressuring you down one course of action albeit from a good place in their own mind. So listen to their advice and perspective but in the end trust your heart and gut as to what you wish to do. Perhaps most importantly, your support network can be a welcome distraction from the emotional rollercoaster you are currently on.
2. Embrace activities that make you happy
Don’t forget to take the time to do things you enjoy, even if only for 15 or 30 minutes. Everyone has their own favourite activities – that might be spending time with your kids, planning a day out with friends or simply enjoying a good book or café lunch by yourself. Whatever keeps your spirits up, continue to do it! Think of it as a mindful nana nap!
This is also a time when you shouldn’t neglect your physical health. While it can be difficult to get off the couch some days, going for a brisk walk outside or spending half an hour meditating can do wonders for your mental health. In fact, research has shown that for people who exercise regularly, the number of ‘poor mental health days’ they experience each year drops by more than 40%.
3. Accept the past, but don’t dwell on it
Whether the separation is short term or it eventually leads to divorce, the actions you took in the past cannot be changed. While it is important – and indeed essential for your own personal growth – to reflect on those times and learn from that experience, , dwelling on the past will only serve to feed into an endless cycle of negative emotions. Whilst difficult at times not to, try not to “blame” yourself or your partner for what happened.
Look back to learn, look forward to enjoy. When emotions are high, it’s easy to forget that life is a marathon, not a race. It’s vital to have long-term perspective given that separation is such a major change. But even when the present seems bleak, keep in mind the bigger picture and know that the future holds many positive opportunities for you.
4. Be proactive about seeking help
Separating from your partner – and the emotional, financial and familial fallout that may result – can bring even the most resilient person to their knees. While the mental strain this can cause you over weeks, months and sometimes years is inevitable, that doesn’t mean you have to carry the burden alone.
Getting help from experts in divorce advice and support is one of the strongest things you can do. While previously there was a stigma attached to seeking professional help, we believe it shows true strength of character that you are willing to ask for assistance during what is perhaps the darkest period of your life. We do exercise and go to a gym or other health centre to prevent physical injuries in the future. Do the same with your mental health in a separation – seek regular support to help prevent mental health injuries in the future.
At Flying Change, we understand that separation can be an overwhelming, confusing and lonely time. But with support from our experts who will guide you through the tricky times, you can get the help you need and be empowered to start a fresh new chapter in your life. Call 0418 676 977 to learn more about our divorce advice and support services.
