Tips for healthy co-parenting after separation

There are few periods of life more emotionally taxing than going through a separation or divorce. When children are part of the equation, it gets even tougher. Because you always want to do the best for your kids, it’s helpful if you can stay amicable with your ex-partner and work together to create a supportive environment for your children to grow up in.

Here’s how to be a positive co-parent after separation.

Start with the basics

The best outcome for your children following separation is to have both parents be involved in their day-to-day lives. However, relationship breakdowns can make it difficult to stay on good terms with your ex – especially in the early days – plus there are additional considerations such as who gets the kids on which days.

It’s important that you take time to sit down with your former partner and settle on the basics. This includes where the children will live, how holidays will be divided up, rules around contact with each other, and other decisions surrounding how you will parent your children both now and into the future.

Everyone’s situation will be different, but what’s most important is that your kids see you both working together and keeping an open mind. And despite how tough it might be at first, acknowledge that you will likely need to make some compromises.

Communicate honestly with your children

Your first instinct might be to keep your children away from any of the details surrounding the separation, especially if they are quite young. But this may actually have the opposite intended effect. Neglecting communication during what is an emotionally challenging time for children can lead to them feeling a sense of abandonment, or even resentment.

Instead, be upfront with your children and reassure them that they are loved and that they can always talk to you about their feelings. Creating a safe space where they can express their feelings – from confusion and shock, to self-blame and anger – will allow them to move through the stages of grief at their own pace.

Make a co-parenting plan together

Staying amicable with your ex-partner will allow you to settle a variety of issues together. It’s recommended that you set aside an afternoon or evening to sit down and work through several important matters. Make sure you get everything in writing – even if you completely trust your ex-partner, it could save you some painful headaches down the track.

Here’s what you should include in your co-parenting plan:

·       Contact and visitation rights

·       Financial responsibilities

·       Education decisions

·       Medical needs and potential health risks

·       How important decisions are made

To ensure your co-parenting covers all the important issues, you may need support from a legal expert. Flying Change helps everyday Australians work through major life changes like divorce and separation, as well as offering mediation and conflict resolution services. So if you are struggling to settle on a co-parenting plan or simply want to know your legal rights and obligations, book an appointment today.

Helpful advice to be a successful co-parent

No one begins a relationship with the intention of separating – it’s simply an unavoidable outcome for many couples. If you are currently enduring this difficult period of your life while trying to co-parent, here are some tips to be a good role model to your children:

·       Accept that you and your ex-partner will likely have different parenting styles.

·       Help your children have a solid relationship with their other parent. Talking about them while at your home and asking about what’s coming up can help normalise the split-living arrangement.

·       Be a good communicator with your ex-partner.

·       Discuss plans for holidays, birthdays and big events together as parents rather than individuals.

·       Be flexible and understanding that sometimes life doesn’t always go to plan – e.g. if your ex-partner is running late for pick-up because of heavy traffic.

·       Realise that your children may not always be in good spirits when they arrive or have to leave. It’s natural for them to have challenging emotions as you establish a new routine.

Flying Change provides an experienced and supportive environment where you can get separation advice and support, as well as mediation for all your needs. Call 0418 676 977 to book a session and learn how to become the best co-parent possible.